Something was there… Yeah, It was there… living in a fear, afraid to move beyond moments. If you move beyond that moment, you are leaving the protection and safety of the known. You are moving towards an openness unknown. You leave what was known behind. You move towards the freedom of true self!
A resistance within, you can’t seem to move through it or around it. It is holding its ground, for a reason forgotten by you. You have lived the fear within that protection and realize self protection, is one’s mind taking owner ship of an experience in life that hurt deeply.
It was a complete violation of your being by someone, you thought to be your friend. But truly, it was an individual with so much pain inflicted by their own life experience, not knowing how to deal with such pain in a healthy way. It was needing to thrive! Oh…it found it’s way to inflict… It did to an innocent being! Power, gratification and relief of their pain for just a moment in time. That infliction was now placed into someone else’s life forever or until you are willing to come to a greater understanding of yourself.
Now you must learn to remove that from your present moment, haunted to finding an understanding, that you may never know.
But one day in doing the discovery of your own pain, learning what it means to “LOVE” on self. You must go back in time relive your own pain. Knowing I can’t change what happen, but now, I can look at those moment’s with a new perspective and an appreciation for my self.
Those moments have served their time and have done what the mind is there to do.
In wanting to free oneself I needed to feel again and understand again…
I also can change that dialog to something that is healing and empowering. I now know; I am safe… I am love … I am free of fear. I can let go and open my self up to living in the freedom from the shackle placed by someone else’s pain.
Being able to look back and reflect on one’s life and the circumstances that surround certain moments in time. Some say you can’t remember exactly how and what happen and all that surrounds it. I do beg a differ…! There are those times that had a profound effect on you and you remember every detail, feeling and emotion surrounding them. You remember place’s, people face’s, time of day, and everything surrounding. It’s like they were branded on your soul!
I do and have taken ownership of my self, but I do know NOW… I am the only one that has had that experience. I am the only one that can do the healing. I am the one now that needs to put my arms around myself and give myself the love I deserve and the respect I needed.
The love and respect were there, but they took on a different life within themselves. How do I say this? It was the love and respect of self, with out the ownership of the complete experience. A version I could live with and move forward, to survive.
Now, I can understand the pain and how it effected me and how I lived with the fear. I can remove that pain and replace that inner conversation with words and thoughts of safety, love and appreciation of moving through it and not burying it. I can release the shackles and begin to live with a greater understanding, appreciation for me. Giving myself the respect, support needed to live in MY truth. Not the truth lived in the shadow of fear and of thinking you did something but could never understand what it was. Being buried deep in shame! You just knew you needed to move on and forget. Now, I can forget, because I was able to move on my terms and move through and not around. With confidence… I am ok… I am safe… I am Loved!!!!! I can understand the dynamics of letting GO!
