Behind the lens…
Moving thru…!
Understanding what fear is and it’s effect on you!
Something was there… Yeah, It was there… living in a fear, afraid to move beyond moments. If you move beyond that moment, you are leaving the protection and safety of the known. You are moving towards an openness unknown. You leave what was known behind. You move towards the freedom of true self!
A resistance within, you can’t seem to move through it or around it. It is holding its ground, for a reason forgotten by you. You have lived the fear within that protection and realize self protection, is one’s mind taking owner ship of an experience in life that hurt deeply.
It was a complete violation of your being by someone, you thought to be your friend. But truly, it was an individual with so much pain inflicted by their own life experience, not knowing how to deal with such pain in a healthy way. It was needing to thrive! Oh…it found it’s way to inflict… It did to an innocent being! Power, gratification and relief of their pain for just a moment in time. That infliction was now placed into someone else’s life forever or until you are willing to come to a greater understanding of yourself.
Now you must learn to remove that from your present moment, haunted to finding an understanding, that you may never know.
But one day in doing the discovery of your own pain, learning what it means to “LOVE” on self. You must go back in time relive your own pain. Knowing I can’t change what happen, but now, I can look at those moment’s with a new perspective and an appreciation for my self.
Those moments have served their time and have done what the mind is there to do.
In wanting to free oneself I needed to feel again and understand again…
I also can change that dialog to something that is healing and empowering. I now know; I am safe… I am love … I am free of fear. I can let go and open my self up to living in the freedom from the shackle placed by someone else’s pain.
Being able to look back and reflect on one’s life and the circumstances that surround certain moments in time. Some say you can’t remember exactly how and what happen and all that surrounds it. I do beg a differ…! There are those times that had a profound effect on you and you remember every detail, feeling and emotion surrounding them. You remember place’s, people face’s, time of day, and everything surrounding. It’s like they were branded on your soul!
I do and have taken ownership of my self, but I do know NOW… I am the only one that has had that experience. I am the only one that can do the healing. I am the one now that needs to put my arms around myself and give myself the love I deserve and the respect I needed.
The love and respect were there, but they took on a different life within themselves. How do I say this? It was the love and respect of self, with out the ownership of the complete experience. A version I could live with and move forward, to survive.
Now, I can understand the pain and how it effected me and how I lived with the fear. I can remove that pain and replace that inner conversation with words and thoughts of safety, love and appreciation of moving through it and not burying it. I can release the shackles and begin to live with a greater understanding, appreciation for me. Giving myself the respect, support needed to live in MY truth. Not the truth lived in the shadow of fear and of thinking you did something but could never understand what it was. Being buried deep in shame! You just knew you needed to move on and forget. Now, I can forget, because I was able to move on my terms and move through and not around. With confidence… I am ok… I am safe… I am Loved!!!!! I can understand the dynamics of letting GO!
Mask’s…?
To leave what you know to be, For what is to be!
Trying to figure out what to write and what picture I find inspiring! It’s a little bit of a challenge for me at the present moment…. That’s why, I am just going to start to write… There is something, that has been a little bit of a conundrum… With that being said, what is the issue we are uncomfortable to face? That list could be long, I have faced many shadows (if you will) but there is still something. It’s just not willing to come forward.
When it will come forward, and face the “light”, That means it is time to change. Time to grow and move closer to the chance in being the completeness that’s you!
The challenge is simple. It means time to move on and be that truth. I act as if I know, but I choose not to know? If that makes sense. Because then, the mask that has been there, is no longer needed and now is …“NOW”… is the time, to be free of old shit!
Stuff that has been beneficial, just don’t fit the forward frame anymore.
The mask’s have been there to protect and shield the truth from your own eyes as well as the pain and struggle you didn’t want to deal with. It was there to protect!!! We must stop the perfection and just be. Be what you know your self to be. Not, what you feel others need you to be for their light to shine and your’s to dim.
Some of the stuff I feel and sense is that I’m greater than I am at this time and going forward. I have dimmed my light to take the shine from myself and give to others. When all along it was me that wanted that. I just chose to look the other way and not acknowledge and grow, but be just the opposite. Diminish and disappear. If I let that light diminish, I wouldn’t have to deal with sticking out. I could blend in. Yeah blend into the wall and disappear. When along that was not the truth! It was my perception for my own disappointment reflecting outward. Like last night, all my thoughts were…I am bad… I don’t have friends, I have cast all my relationships to the side and here I am all alone, with nothing. Yeah…it could be, but it doesn’t have to be!
I could give life a chance and let it bloom, prosper as it is meant to be and not as I want it to be. Am I giving that seed the opportunity to grow? Or squash it with my own disbelief of self. I look back and say… I haven’t grown or changed in the year since I left Ralph. I really need to look back and see, know that my future is bright and abundant I have made huge steps in my own journey. If I could just stop walking in front and covering it up! To realize it is a journey and I am on a different path and shine in that. To trust… what I know is right!
What I feel is right now, it’s with love and joy. Life is just wanting and waiting to be expressed through me. It is all there, I just need to trust and see. Believe in me! How important is that!! I feel that belief more, when I am doing things “I” want to do. Creating what gives me the chance for self expression. Without judging it in perfection, but to judge in love of self and my journey to joy, love and abundance. On my terms, not those of others.
To just be me! Naked and all. I don’t know why that, phrase from Brenne Brown pops up randomly “Standing naked at the top of the stairs and for all to see.” Those moments of being guarded and guarding are there, but perceived differently! You feel the weight becoming lighter and freer. How do you express it?… Just Be It! I guess that’s the simplest answer. Just be as you know you are to be! Artist, photographer, writer and why not publisher and all around great person! I am going to be okay. Because I am OKAY! Stop the comparing, just be the being! Just allow it!!! You know what to do. Start it today! It truly is very simple we just make it so complicated. :)
Intersections…
Intersections of life?
Intersections are a place of crossing path’s, all leading to somewhere. But… Where is that somewhere? Where will it lead beyond the juncture. What will it represent…if anything. What will it be… if anything. It has to be going somewhere though… Right? To a destination, real or imagined. Isn’t life created out of the imagination of your being, Interpreted through your eye’s? Felt in your being. Guided to your own juncture of awareness.
That junction… where is your destination? WOW! isn’t that a load question. If we knew, would we take that path, to our destination? Could we see every valley, peak and in between. Could we see all our trails and tribulations. What would we do? I don’t think we would take that venture. Would we try and fix it? Like we do now! Or possibly would we just roll over and play dead and still ignore the guidance.
I ask that question, because of where I am now! With all of the life that I have lived. What is that destination? I think the best way to feel about this is… It’s my path and no one else will know! I need to finally come to my own interpretation of my guided journey!
I came to the realization that everything is seen through my own eye’s and no one else’s. What come’s at me, is the reflection of my own personal view. Filtered to my own belief of self and life’s experiences. It is waiting for me to open my eyes wide enough, to see my self as the gift I am. Instead of failure I felt to be. I also realized that your eyes are only looking for what I am asking them to see. Seeking those reasons my mind is asking me to see. That conversation carried between me and me. What truths am I seeing? Those that are to protect me from life’s challenges? Or those of your possibilities. You can see what they are, by just seeing where you are.
What were the internal exchanges, that just gave up on me, They didn’t give up on anything. They just did their jobs. At those moments in time, I needed that protection. I needed that shut down. My mind was only protecting me. The way it is guided to. Now, it is feeling safe to let those walls down. To let go of those old ways of thought and embrace all of my life. To open my self to the completeness of my journey and guiding me. Guiding me to the abundance, prosperity and wholeness that I always knew was there. I was just afraid to see it! Thank for this journey!
seeing you!
Are you willing to see yourself as you know yourself to be or as you have come to know yourself to be? Their is the question.
Looking at one of my pictures that I just posted to my web site, It Just hit me with something that I have never really thought of until this moment. It is a picture of me standing in the shadows! Afraid to be seen? You can see my outline, but you can’t see me! Always standing in the shadow afraid to put my face on something. For fear that I might see myself different than what I expect of myself. Standing there, accepting what life has given to me. With out even giving myself that chance, for myself to be seen in truth. I have given in to being seen, but not heard. I have allowed my self to accept what I consider the lesser in me as my own truth. I do see that it is me, that see’s myself through the expectations of others.
So what is the truth to be seen? Am I just to keep this one-sided truth my reality? I don’t know, but I think the right way to ask this question is…. What do I want out of me? What is my souls plan for my life? I have not even given any thought to the truth buried in my thoughts. When my soul has been saying nudgingly, Brad will you please open your eyes to how I know you to be. To see you as I see you to be. To accept that abundance, prosperity and love that is you with loving arms. Not doubting eyes. Open those eyes to a new way of seeing you and the world around you. To step towards your potential and not way from it. I have great plans that are placed into you.
You saw those times of being forsaken, as signs that you have done wrong. When it was those that brought harm. They where deep in their own pain. You were a way for them to release that pain. It had nothing to do with you.
Now is your time to let go of those limiting beliefs and live your life, the way Source has planned for you to live. The abundance that is waiting, is way beyond your own understanding. Those amazing relationships are all ready in the works. So please, be grateful for where you are. Know that all you are asking for is on its way. Keep your faith, keep being you! That being, that walks in forgiveness, compassion, respect of difference’s and is extremely talented. So use your gift’s, to bring you in to being and the example of how to rise above your limiting beliefs. Accept all you are with love of yourself! Open your door first and then bring the rest with you!
Chaos
What is chaos? The dictionary definition is:“complete disordered and confusion”(noun) from the Physics perspective: a behavior so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions. Both definitions colliding in my mind, my world! Have you ever tried to understand yourself, while swirling in such moments. The more you try the greater the confusion. Complete disorder of known conditions. What are you to expect in those moments? Other then, there must be a lesson. A clarification of a thought asked, yet not answered.
Everything you thought you knew about you, about your life, about your existence. Tossed in the wind, swirling like the leaves of fall. Scattering every where and landing no where. Everything you knew is questioned. What you thought you knew about your past is presented in a different perspective than remembered. Those times of great pain. Those times of dreams that slipped away, thought lost to the past. They were moments in time, that show you, your greatness is a possibility. Look closer!
The thought of not being able to achieve is turned into the simple word YES! The thoughts of not fitting in. There is greatness in standing alone. The dreams thought lost. are vast with possibilities. You know what you have to do to achieve the dream. Allowing it to be BIGGER, than your past. Those past moments of grandeur, are only a glimpse of the capabilities in the Now!
I must continue everyday to be a collector of small stones, little steps. Every stone, every step is building a pathway to a mountain peak, once thought to be lost in the horizon. To know that you are your creator, not the observer to your life. To keep leaning into those thought’s of joy, peace and happiness. It won’t be a challenge. It just is a part of my being. Yet, I will face challenges that will not make sense. That will leave me with my hands in the air, REALLY… not again.
I now know, they are passing moments to be experienced and let go! There is always a new choice to be made in every moment and guess what…it’s my choice in how I’am to be. NO ONE”S other than mine is to be made. To sit in that and truly feel those words. Gives you feelings that you really don’t know how to feel. It’s like putting on someone else’s coat, that you accidentally thought was yours. Only to find out. It is your coat, and it feels a little funny. But You know, in time, it will feel like you are wearing the correct coat.
The coat of appreciation, Love and respect. Your own worthiness is felt by YOU! Truly feel you're worth. YOU have a voice. It matters! It is needed NOW. Use it to inspire, to create, to build a better, caring, loving and peacefully person, community and world. The peacefulness in knowing chaos!
Seed
Wanting to shut the world out. To be alone in my mind. How to embrace the new of the day. It feels at times, that everything is coming at you, from every direction possible. You are trying to grasp. Everything seems to have complexity attached. When all that you are wanting, is just a little simplicity. Life says NO! Embrace that complexity and grow into possibilities. Expand your mind. Experience the struggle and create something greater than expected. Push your box lid open. Explore and push your self to a new level of existence. Open your mind to your potential of the knowing heart. Open your mind’s boundaries, lean into the new beginnings, you have been asking for.
As they say “everything you need is all ready around you”. When you think about it, it is. It is your true reality you have turned a blind eye towards. Creation is trying to show you differently, but you have trained your mind to see NO, it’s not possible. When you know, to remove the shackles it begins with realizing where you are. Now… how to begin?!
So much is brewing in my mind these last couple of weeks. Easing into a new world. The frost covered goose, in the calm of the morning. Just represents, the seed, the desire, the beginning, the ending, the metamorphic process’ needed for the possibility.
Clanking links of the shackles, that bound you to the hurt, the pain, life was showing to you. That clanking…leaving you to feel naked for that protective layer, it’s not there. What you use to grab on to…it’s not there. You feel that bareness of the newness on your skin. This is where your patience and trust of the moment must come into play.
Taking ownership of what was and is, realizing it is you that has created it. It is you, that must learn to grow into, instead, out of. Trusting that you are heading in a direction you have always known you to be. It really is like the dying old, that will allow the ability to step in the new.
Feeling uncomfortable, yet comfortable. Knowing, but not. Believing and hoping. Trusting, yet unsure. So many differences wrapped in to one. Feeling like I need to do more. What more do I need. Feeling like I am trying to be someone, that doesn’t believe in or has not taken responsibility for “ME”. That I just didn’t, do anything. In my head, I was doing right. Now, feeling like the past, I was in a tunnel of constant tumble. Which way was UP! … Gotta Let go, learn, forgive, be all you are in this moment, for this is all you are. Everything you have experienced, has it purpose. EMBRACE ALL!!! Because that is what makes… YOU! Wrapped in the seed, covered in frost wanting to be at peace with the moment. With buried head in wings, protecting from the incoming. Waiting to FLY!!!
shadow
What lies in the shadow of one’s mind or life? A Mystery to be discovered or fear to be reveled. To allow shine or to lie in darkness. It is all up to you in what you are willing to uncover or to discover about yourself. Shadow the bending of a light, that will shape your current moment. It gives shine to what will move you forward into a moment of success or into a moment that will hinder in fear. Each moment is either a complexity of experience or it’s the slightest of happening.
To discover which leads you forward or through. It’s you that must decide how you are to proceed. The experience of the shadow is just the gradation of complexity, wanting to be felt and understood, When you are willing to allow the grey’s a voice! It’s in your grayness that will give direction, but how much emphasis are you willing to give? Giving voice to the awakening or the voice to living in fear.
To gain the greatness in a moment, isn’t the biggest effort , but is in the tiniest effort, that leads to the greatest of rebirth.
Shadows are there to give depth and dimension to the beauty in life. As in all matters. What is your focus, determines how, shine is to be.
Be willing to see your shadows! Shadows are the depth and dimensions of being. Be still, listen, understanding, forgive, feel, love, embrace and trust in the grace of being.
gentle presence…
gentle presence… it can be up for interpretation, when it comes to the Canadian goose. Being in their presence …is for me, to be complete in your’s. If you can allow completeness, they will stand and not scatter. Just like for us in our every day being. Being of the present, you will not scatter that for which is meant to be. It will come and welcome you.
So many correlation's in life, can be experienced by allowing them to be. You to be the observer.
I’m just not sure, how to put all of this in to words. I just don’t know how to express what respect and appreciation I have for them. Just like me, many find them to be a nuisance and just go away . What purpose do they have? They just poop every where and we must watch our steps around them.
Honestly, look at your own life, see if you can find any correlations. If you give them just one moment of your time. No judgement, but in respect of another. You will see them in a completely new manor. You gain a greater respect of yourself and more importantly of another being.
The grace they carry in gliding through the water is magic. It is pure poetry in motion. The ease and effortless direction. No matter the obstacle. The moment in the morning of greeting it …with a newness and time of cleansing. To want to remove the old of the night with a bath of water to begin anew.
To stand in complete mediation, that moment experienced. Unlike something to experience by your self. The strength in flight. To witness the power of the wing, take off and landing. Delicate in perception, strength in movement. Knowing in flight of a path to replenishment. The teamwork needed to arrive safely.
The honk of awareness and blare to welcome the season. There is a magic, unlike our everyday human encounter, that I experience in their presence. Are you willing to learn from less than? Gentle presence is the experience of life we are all searching for. It is flying right over your head with out you even knowing it. Open your heart and see what is around you. You will be amazed to find the greatest teachers, in the simplest creatures.
